So, as we all start to pontificate upon the last year and all that it held, I find myself oddly at peace for the start of 2010. Typically there is some angst-ridden hesitation or fear of what may come, happen, transpire or go down...a worry that somehow things will vastly change, stay exactly the same or be utterly uncontrollable and yet, not-so much this time. I am not entirely sure of what has changed, maybe it is just what happens when you've finally found the intersection of Contentment and Satisfaction.
Don't misunderstand, I will, like so many, sit down and decipher what my goals for 2010 will be- resolutions that are usually idealistic and unrealistic; but somehow over the course of the last few months I have become much more complacent with the way things seem to be going in our lives. Complacency can be a bad thing, but I have arrived at this place after years of things being disruptive, messy, and all together chaotic...so satisfied and content seem pretty good to me right now. The year will hold its challenges, sadness and joys like any other year, nevertheless I feel much more equipped to face 2010 then I did when facing 2009.
So much changed in our lives this year...I left a job that I had been doing for several years and for the first time was able to really concentrate on my job of being a wife and Mom, the economy tanked and so did our retirement account, my brother went back to jail, my Dad got sick, Chris got promoted to a job in OK, a moving truck the size of a semi moved us and all of our stuff to a small town in Oklahoma, Aden turned 5, J turned 3 and in the middle of all of it: we were able to re-claim our status as a "happy family." We recommitted ourselves to each other as a family, to a church that has been a Godsend and to our spiritual walk with the Lord. If I sit down and really contemplate why I feel so different, it is because I do earnestly believe that this decision to search for God at the heart of our home has been the most life-changing for us as a family.
I sit back and feel most assuredly blessed and loved as I reflect on 2009. I pray you all feel the same. Here's to 2010 being a year that God's blessings overflow in big and small ways and that I have the ability to see them for what they are- to be satisfied with what I have and not worry so much about what I cannot control- to be present in the moment and not stuck in the past while worrying about the future- to be the person that God would have me be -to relish the daily miracles that we witness everyday in life but tend to overlook when too busy to stop and notice - to pray, love, witness and share more - to judge less - to be a better version of me.
Happy New Year's - God Bless!
