Thursday, December 31, 2009

At Year's End

So, as we all start to pontificate upon the last year and all that it held, I find myself oddly at peace for the start of 2010. Typically there is some angst-ridden hesitation or fear of what may come, happen, transpire or go down...a worry that somehow things will vastly change, stay exactly the same or be utterly uncontrollable and yet, not-so much this time. I am not entirely sure of what has changed, maybe it is just what happens when you've finally found the intersection of Contentment and Satisfaction.

Don't misunderstand, I will, like so many, sit down and decipher what my goals for 2010 will be- resolutions that are usually idealistic and unrealistic; but somehow over the course of the last few months I have become much more complacent with the way things seem to be going in our lives. Complacency can be a bad thing, but I have arrived at this place after years of things being disruptive, messy, and all together satisfied and content seem pretty good to me right now. The year will hold its challenges, sadness and joys like any other year, nevertheless I feel much more equipped to face 2010 then I did when facing 2009.

So much changed in our lives this year...I left a job that I had been doing for several years and for the first time was able to really concentrate on my job of being a wife and Mom, the economy tanked and so did our retirement account, my brother went back to jail, my Dad got sick, Chris got promoted to a job in OK, a moving truck the size of a semi moved us and all of our stuff to a small town in Oklahoma, Aden turned 5, J turned 3 and in the middle of all of it: we were able to re-claim our status as a "happy family." We recommitted ourselves to each other as a family, to a church that has been a Godsend and to our spiritual walk with the Lord. If I sit down and really contemplate why I feel so different, it is because I do earnestly believe that this decision to search for God at the heart of our home has been the most life-changing for us as a family.

I sit back and feel most assuredly blessed and loved as I reflect on 2009. I pray you all feel the same. Here's to 2010 being a year that God's blessings overflow in big and small ways and that I have the ability to see them for what they are- to be satisfied with what I have and not worry so much about what I cannot control- to be present in the moment and not stuck in the past while worrying about the future- to be the person that God would have me be -to relish the daily miracles that we witness everyday in life but tend to overlook when too busy to stop and notice - to pray, love, witness and share more - to judge less - to be a better version of me.

Happy New Year's - God Bless!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I spent the day yesterday almost completely pain free, it was one of the most glorious days I have had in months and I spent each moment relishing the ease of life without constant pain. I smiled more than I have in a while, I laughed more than I have in a while and my ability to moderate and parent my two busy boys was not hampered by incessant aching pain. It was a gift from God and I appreciated it more than anyone could ever imagine. I tied my shoes without tears, I played trains on the floor of the playroom with J and I didn't need help getting back up, I got out of bed without hobbling and without was the kind of day I could get used to!

Today, however is another story. The day of pain free was rather fleeting, however, I refuse to complain, because yesterday was a true gift and you know is today. The only difference is that today I'm walking around like an arthritic old lady. If I reflect upon the sheer joy I experienced yesterday I am reminded at how fleeting "it" all can the lesson to be learned is that each day is a GIFT even if it is a day where you ask yourself "why did I even get out of bed???" It is much more difficult opine and pontificate about gratefulness and gratitude when things in life are "susie-sunshine and daisies"because so many times we're moving right along and don't realize or truly appreciate what we've been given, we all get too busy to just stop and look at all we have and say "THANK YOU!" It is easy to dismiss the work of the Lord as unrelated to our current joys in life when the gratitude isn't deliberate and mindful of the gift of each breath, each day, each sunrise and sunset; pr in my case, the ability to touch my toes and tie my own shoes.

Yesterday, regrettably so, I admit I didn't stop and give thanks and praise with each almost-pain-free step. While I was keenly aware of being better I did not attribute this recovery as much to God as I should have, I was too busy enjoying the freedom I was extended by pharmaceuticals and our Heavenly mistake was grievous. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE GRATEFUL! Judging by today, I am forced to humbly admit it was more to do with God than the meds! Today, each step is accompanied by a prayer to please make the pain go away...the irony here is astounding! But, I have today; and I am presently and very mindfully thanking the Lord for another day.

I will say, I do wish I could have another yesterday.

Blessings and love to all.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Politics aside...

Let's be perfectly honest here, I did not vote for Obama. I would of voted for Hilary, but that's not the point. Early on I was impressed by his words, his demeanor, etc. but it came down to brass tax and I couldn't support someone who talked as if America wasn't the best place in the world to live. I do not like that millions of Americans don't have health care, I certainly don't like government funded means to exacerbate corporate greed, but damn if I will ever want to live anywhere else. I could have worked at the ACLU with how fervently I support an American's right to exercise their civil liberties, even if I don't agree with them, this is AMERICA, people! I can't vote into office a person, regardless of race, creed, or gender that doesn't get tears in their eyes ever time they hear the "Star Spangled Banner."

All of that being said, I do understand how he got elected. He was well spoken, well tempered and well dressed. He was a new voice in a sea of old, crabby, stodgy voices and that was very appealing to a large majority of the voting block. Change and hope, hope and can you argue against hope? Now, the point...being the media darling that he is, I still cannot find any rationale for awarding Obama the Nobel Peace Prize. First things first, the deadline for the nominating process was February 1. So, in about 2 weeks of being President of the United States of America, was he able to "do" what they have so deemed him prize worthy?

"For his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples"

When exactly did this happen? I must have missed it. So, what they're saying is that in 2 weeks he strengthen diplomacy? Extraordinary efforts? I am not down-playing the historic feat this man has made in becoming President, however, there are platitudes and then there is shamelessly kissing his ass. I think we're experiencing the later. I think awarding him at this point takes legitimacy and prestige from this body. Two years from now, maybe a different story, but 2 weeks in...? Shame on them for not being more deliberate and bold. Shame on them for not holding us all to a higher standard than star-struck awe of well coached bureaucrat in a nice suit.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

A Dose of Good Medicine...

I awoke early this morning to get to the local walk-in clinic and attempt to get someone in the medical profession to take a gander at my back and tell me why it ails me so...
Three x-rays later, a shot in the "hip" aka upper hind-end and a little something extra to help me sleep, if I need it...I am back on the job. My sense of humor is still lacking and according to the nurse the steroids she shot in my back might cause mood swings, to quote her, "so, if you feel like being a bitch, just tell your husband it is because of the medicine." Even while lacking in my typical ability to see humor in life, that was pretty funny. It's my get out of jail free card for the next 10 days, right?

Wouldn't it be nice if we all had a get out of jail free card? Like when you're too tired to do the laundry or make dinner, all you'd have to do is hand over the card and voila, you're in the clear! I am just the type of person who would hold on to the card, waiting for the most desperate moment and then when I submit the card for my free pass, it would be expired. Then there are people like my husband who would use it to sleep in past 8 a.m. on any random day. As frivolous as it sounds, at least he's smart enough to use it before the time is up. My cautious nature has mostly been to my advantage, but then again, that whole "glass is half-empty" mentality tends to plague me at every turn in my life. I am always looking at life and considering the worst case scenario and I know how much that must disappoint my Heavenly Father. He has always provided more than I ever could want or need and I remain as resolutely grounded in bracing myself for the worst. Not my best trait, something I am working on everyday. I take great inspiration from the people in my life who take everything in with eagerness and reckless abandon, sometimes I envy their free spirit, other times I sit by and relish my roots.

I am so glad that God made us all so innately unique, so that people like me have as much as a place in this world as the people who are always shaking it up! I know that I strive to be who God has made me to be and maybe his plan has always been to have me be one of the proverbial hall monitors of life. LOL! I was always the one left in charge of the class when the teacher left, so that inherent nature was not something I happened upon as I aged. Pragmatic and skepticism with a dash of cynicism has always been in my personal play book and range of emotions. However, I would not characterize myself as a negative person. Practical: yes, responsible: yes, reliable: yes...but not a gloom and doom-er. I err on the side of caution. Maybe that makes me a tad boring, but so be it.

Whatever I lack in spontaneity I make up for intensity. I am known for saying, "it one thing matters, then everything matters..." and I live like that. It can be quite exhausting and to others, rather tedious! Tedium is for people like me, we thrive on the details. Like I said above, thank GOD we are all so uniquely made. The same friends and loved ones that I have in my life that are movers and shakers are also the ones that could live without the details and only focus on the bigger picture.

So, I find myself asking where GOD has seen fit to put me in the myraid of his miracles, is my job according to His will to be cautious or are we all called to be open and free? I truly believe what GOD would want for my life (and your's as well) is for you to be who you are, but to LOVE Him with reckless abandon, open and free. I don't have to be the talk of the town or the impetuously eager world-changer if that is not what God made me to be, but I must be willing to throw all caution into the wind to walk with MY SAVIOR! I can do that without a self-help book, but lucky for me, there is a manual on how to do that! :-)

Turns out that shot in my hiney was just what I needed, a good dose of old time medicine! By the way, I am turning in my free pass card tonight and going to make Dad do bath time! Carpe diem, right?

Gotta get going...blessings and love to all!

Monday, October 5, 2009

My ability to blog has been severely compromised by my ailing back. I have completely lost my sense of humor and therefore having very little good humor to spread around, I will do my best to fake it until some remedy is made available to me. If anyone has any suggestions as to how to best manage the pain without becoming a pill-popping painkiller addict, please let me know. With the family history being what it is, that is unequivocally not an option.

My temperament has soured significantly as the pain has progressed. I find myself rather crabby and short-tempered with my hub and ashamedly so, my boys. At 4 a.m. while I lay awake in mind-numbing pain, I started to think about my brother, the addict. While I will never condone what he has done and the path he chose for himself to take, I do understand the compulsion that drove his addiction...anything to make the pain go away. He has been fighting the chronic-pain dragon for years now, the pain pills meant to slay the dragon took overtook him and his life was taken away. While he exists still in the flesh, his very soul has been robbed of the person hood that God borne in him while he was in our mother's womb. The pain was more than he could battle on his own and with no relationship with our Lord, he stands lonely and lost at the battle's end. I pray he allows God to be a beacon of light to find his way back to the life God has made for him...but one thing still remains...the pain. God can make his journey much less muddled with the tragedies he has chosen for himself, but the pain will remain.

This scares me, unbelievably so. I will not seek solace in the vices he has, however, I do understand how he started down that path. So, here I sit, feeling too scared and in pain to move forward. I have been praying for healing, complete recovery. But, this morning, I decided to start praying for renewal as well. Renewal of spirit, renewal of will to keep on keeping on, renewal of patience, renewal of resolve, renewal of my good will. Can one decide to not be in pain anymore? No. However, I can decide how I will go forward, albeit in pain, but forward nonetheless. Please pray with me for renewal.

Movie time Monday at the Beatty house, so I leave you with prayers for love and God's blessings in your life.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

31 years and 9 months ago my in-laws made a miracle...

Happy Birthday to my hub! The miracle that God gave the Beatty family 31 years ago today is the one of the brightest spots of my day. From his newly balded head to his beaming smile, this man is my biggest fan, my best friend, my most confidential confidante, my angel in a Lowe's vest -LOL! He has been there at my weakest and at my darkest hour and stood beside me for the last 8 years making my life journey with him rewarding, challenging, delightful, joyful, sometimes a hot mess, but mostly an amazingly interesting. Never a dull moment and never a moment where his smile doesn't get the better of me:) So, to the man I love, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! To the father of the two most amazing little boys in my world: WE LOVE YOU DAD! God Bless you and keep you around to chase me around the house for the next...oh...60 years, at least! :-)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Lutheran guilt...

This morning the devil to came to call. It seems as if he has decided to make every Sunday morning his day to come into the house and stir up things like only he can. Today has been no exception. I had all but decided that we were not going to church this morning, but at 9 am while I am still padding around the house in my jammies....the Lutheran guilt took hold of every ounce of sensibility and sent me to get myself ready for church. Much to the chagrin of my oldest son, who had decided that this morning would be much better left to playing the Wii and loafing around in his jammies. I am pretty sure we were under full assault of the devil and his obstacles this morning, but we made, there, take that you sneaky sultan of sin! I say this partly in jest...but seriously, come over to my house on any given Sunday morning and we're shouting, yelling, arguing, and all out just being ugly to each other.

It so happens that I am not the only one, which I found out this morning...I take some comfort in knowing that I am not the only Sunday church-goer that has walked into 'The Lord's House' after spending the morning negotiating with tyrannical toddlers or screaming unkind epithets at my spouse. Not that I relish in other's misery, it just make me feel like I am not alone to know that the devil makes house-calls elsewhere as well. I am so glad that we persevered and got our butts in the pews, even if it meant we walked in grumbling...we left knowing it was God that gave us the strength to battle our foe this morning and still make it to His house to worship and be thankful to Him!

This week has been one of great challenge on various levels, we are cancelling our vacation to the happiest place on Earth and that leaves me quite stricken with sadness. I can't remember at time where I was more disappointed that I didn't get to drive 16 hours to go on vacation. The drive alone would be daunting, but we were so excited to get to go, we just didn't care. Then came the plumber, the bug man and a whopping hospital bill for J's last trip to the ER...and out went the vacation savings we were piling up for our trip. I haven't quite figured out how I will ever make it up to our dear friend Steph that was treating us to tickets or to my boys that both contend that I am horribly "mean," pray for me, please...

I look around at the people here, the world around me, the friend we have in TN who's husband has brain cancer who is not whining and complaining; and I know it is so self-centered and selfish to complain about something as trivial as a missed's all perspective. I hosted myself a pity party on Saturday night while the guys were off enjoying a pancake supper, while ailing from an aching back and whining to the empty room that life wasn't fair, I was reminded that while people are starving in the world, I have a weight problem. While homeless wander the street at night, I have run out of room for our "stuff"; while I am griping that my boys have too much energy, there is some Mom out there that wishes her daughter who is fighting leukemia could have the energy to get out of bed; while there are people in this very town that have nothing and still have a smile of contentedness on their face, here I am in my home with all the comforts I could ask for with an ugly scowl across my face. I was and am still so humbled sometimes and I thank God that he doesn't smite the heck out of me for pouting and waving my fist at the sky for all the things I don't have while ignoring all the things that I DO have!

Apparently, when I re-read my blog here, the devil makes house-calls to my house more often than just Sunday's praying that God continues to bless us in spite of our selfishness, in spite of our unreasonable demands, in spite of our time the devil makes a house-call, I am going to pray BEFORE I open the door. :-) LOL!

Prayers for a great week! Blessings and Love to all.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The plumber. one of our heroes, is on the speed dial...

I relish our new home, it is beautiful and there are still moments that I walk around a corner to our living room or lay down in my bed and look at the ceiling and think "wow, I can't believe this is my house." Then days like today happen and I think, "ugh...I can't believe this is my house..." contextually very different! The bug man came on Tuesday morning to spray for the ants crawling in the master bath and now, today, again with the plumbing! The nice man that came to fix it (again) ran the damn snake through the whole damn house. I told the hub, "the house it getting roto-rooted" and that was the darn truth! You could hear the snake being drilled into the house through the pipes...lets just say that nap time didn't happen for J, too much going on!

I'd like to say that I am resilient and adept at handling challenges and transitions and change; but the hard truth is I am just not the hero I'd like to be. I have this wonderful friend that is the QUEEN of challenges, she is as everlasting as grocery store birthday cake icing. That deliciously layered on confection that is always sweet and never goes bad, ever...that's her! No matter what heads her way, she laughs in the face of it all, she stays sweet always- she is one of my heroes! (Steph if you're reading this, I love you!) If I could ever have a super-power, I would want the ability to handle it all, all the time, with no stress, no tears, and no need for ice cream or retail therapy. Nevertheless, here I sit eating out of the ice cream carton and wishing for a new pair of impractically beautiful shoes. Ever seen the cartoon where the snowball starts out just perfect snowball fight size at the top of the hill, but by the time it reaches the bottom of the hill it is the giant-sized, tree-engulfing, people-swallowing snowball? That is my today. How do I get out of this giant snowball? I need a hero.

Speaking of heroes, we talked about heroes today during homeschool. We were reading this book about what a hero is and it goes through all these day to day examples, leading the reader to the point that everyone can be a hero to someone. So, I take a moment to ask my son, my student, who is his hero. He looks at me and says, "Dad." I ask our little guy the same question, as he looks on approvingly at his brother he says, "My hero is Bub!" (Bub is what he calls his big brother). As the tears well up in my eyes at the sweetness of it all, I look at my big kid and say "What do you think of that? Did you know you're his hero?" How many of us can point to a person in our lives that is a true hero? I am constantly surrounded with people that seem to be doing rather heroic deeds in the everyday life, unaware of just how amazing they are! It is at moments like today where the most simple task or gesture that makes life incrementally easier; that person is just doing what they always do, but to the one stuck in the snowball -I see a hero!

So, to the everyday heroes that go about their day, doing what they always do...more than likely, there is someone out there that thinks you're pretty darn special for doing what you do! You will notice, neither one of my children said their hero was their "MOM"...funny how that works, huh? Well, I know for sure, my Mom is a hero! :) Maybe its one of those "they'll appreciate me one day" things? LOL!

Prayers for a better day tomorrow. Love and blessings to all!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The kitchen sink...

We've done it! We're moved into our new home in McAlester, OK and we've unpacked the boxes, hung up (most of) the pictures, played in the backyard, fed people in our feels like home. With home ownership also comes the hassles as well. Like our toilet backing up into our bathtub, for example. Can anyone say, ewwwwwwww? One plumber's bill later we're back up and running:) Then the bird that flew into the house (RIP little birdie) or the ants we found in the bathroom...ahhh, life!:)

Homeschooling our 5 year old has had its ups and downs, it has been a learning experience for us all. I have a new found respect for all teachers; not that I didn't before, but this experience has given me insight into how challenging it must be when it is 20 of these little boogers! There was a learning curve that my son and I hit head on...we've emerged a little bruised but really, none worse the wear. It is amazing how much homeschooling has changed the dynamic between my son and his "Mom." It is terribly difficult to transition from Mom to Teacher, and while I am sure there is a delicate balance where you can be both, I have not quite found it yet. I had been praying for patience and a good friend told me that her Mom told her never to pray for patience because your child will always give you more reasons to test your patience. She told me to pray for understanding...

Understanding of what, was my question. Understanding of our relationship and how it is going to work? Or maybe understanding that there is no way in life that everything can ever be "perfect" all the time? Or maybe understanding of why I am so high-strung and then understanding of how to NOT be that way when it comes to my kids? Understanding of why it all seems to matter so much in the moment but when you go back some time later you realize it probably doesn't matter half as much as you thought it did? Probably, I need to pray for understanding of all of it! Lots and lots of understanding!!

I have had the delight and honor of meeting some truly extraordinary women and men in my time here in the Sooner state! I questioned why in the world God would put us in Oklahoma...I was heard on more than one occasion saying, "what is in Oklahoma except for tornadoes?" But, God's purpose was so much bigger than our own. This was a move for a job, but Lord, what this move has meant to our family. God's plan for us has been about so much more than my husband's career! For the first time in our family life we are a family, what a blessing! We have joined a church here and God has used that church and those people to truly bless our lives with great relationships and a stirring of our faith that we've never felt before. The people that we miss remain forever locked into our hearts, minds, prayers, thoughts and the distance sometimes seems unbearable, but now I know more than ever that God's time is God's time and God's plans are God's plans and that He will carry us through the sadness that comes from missing those extraordinary people. I pray continuously for those people that God is doing the same for them in their lives and that they still feel the love we feel for them in every way!

I want to personally thank everyone that has supported us along the way...along our journey to get to this very moment. What each person has contributed and shared and given freely to us has been our very reason to go on when times have been tough and our reason to praise when times have been good! I am so moved by what all of you have done and I could never thank you enough for all that you have been in our lives.

I better run, the pirates are ransacking my house:-) I'm out for now...
Blessings and Love to you ALL!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore...

I am the very first person to admit that I am not very adept at handling change, I wouldn't call myself inflexible, but that's probably because I don't like the sound of that. I can bend, move, etc with effort on my part, but my first inclination is to stand where I am deeply rooted and stay there. That being said, we've moved over 750 miles away from our home and transplanted ourselves into a small town in Oklahoma and never in my life has "CHANGE" challenged me to be more flexible than it has in the past three months. We have weathered our share of troubles in the past but never have felt so tested and pushed and bent...I realize in moments like this that God has opted to put me in this position to teach me something. NOW, the question then becomes what will I learn from this transition? From this life lesson? From these periods of chaos, doubt, strength, resolve, and then more doubt?

We signed papers to close on our house here and while I am overjoyed because this home is a new beginning, one as rooted in "roots" as I cannot help but feel slight pangs of grief and sadness over what has been left behind to reach this point. I am resigned to the fact that God teaches me the most when I am the most challenged, most uncomfortable, most absolutely here I sit, waiting for the healthy dose of "life lesson" that I am to take away from all of this and hoping that somehow this is the last dose I have to swallow down for awhile! Naive, right?

We are now the proud owners of a beautiful home with a great backyard for the boys and I am grateful for all that has happened to get us into what will become our new home. I would like to say that it was an easy process with no hitches, hiccups or bumps in the road, but that wouldn't be my life:) I am guessing that in time I will be able to look back at this process and chuckle at the insanity of it all, but today is still not that day. Our closing kept getting pushed back for reasons that Bank of America could not quite explain other than to say that the third party underwriter that they out-sourced our loan to could not get the paperwork to the title office because they were so backed up...hmmmm? As I sat in the line at the ATM to pull our our entire down payment in $20's (yes, I said ATM and 20's) I was struck at just how ridiculous this process had become. I am sure the man behind us at the ATM thought we were robbing the bank, but in retrospect I should just be grateful that he didn't follow us and find a way to snatch all that money. How did we to the money grabbing stage at the ATM? We got to that point at the ATM desperately struggling to get that damn down payment because...oh, by the way, the title office doesn't take personal checks. The title office doesn't take cash either. LOL. So after pulling out thousands of dollars out of the ATM in $20's and bringing the drug-dealer load of cash to the closing we found out that they don't take cash...will wonders never cease?

After what felt like an emotional roller-coaster ride halfway through hell and back to get these papers signed, we had the keys to our new home. It was exhilirating and terrifying all at the very same time. In addition to the big picture of what all this meant, it also meant that I would have to move again. Ugh. Thank GOD for new friends, that is all I can say. Without the help of two very special people and my wonderful husband I would be sitting in my living room overwhelmed and probably crying a little. LOL!

So as we move our home again, I am not-so secretly praying that this is the last time for at least a little while. We've got this great place to call home. I have a great backyard for the boys to play in and an extra bed room for out of town guests to come and stay a while...its a dream come true for us all. What I didn't expect in our move and buying a house and all the changes in atmosphere, environment, people, places, and things is that I would really start to love being HERE. As part of my heart grieves for the relationships that are strained by miles and my life transitions into a new phase, I find myself oddly at peace about the very same things that vexed my soul only weeks ago. I won't deny my moments of doubt, they are my very nature but as I have moved forward in this phase I am encountering new and wonderful people that have truly inspired my very soul...which is only due to the hand of God in my life. I cannot claim any credit in how much I have been embraced by this community and in turn how quickly I was able to embrace it right I tend to say, "this is a God thing."

In a moment of panic-induced stress I can fail to see the forest through the trees, but I know that God already knows my weaknesses and loves me in spite of it all. As Dorothy takes those first few steps into OZ and sees the place for all that it is in its beauty and magnificence, she knows she is not at home anymore...its this new, better, and in-color place (LOL) I don't have to click my heels and say "there's no place like home" cause finally, for the first time in a long time, I know I am there. It might not be Kansas anymore, but Oklahoma sure is starting to look and feel like home.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Off to homeschool we go...

Today was our first day at full-time homeschool for our Kindergartner and it was a success if I do say so myself, and since I just did...that must make it so, right? I am excited at this new phase in our life and I will spend as much time preparing for each day as I will praying that I have the patience and strength to go through with it each day.

DISCLAIMER inserted here: I love my child, it is just that being a SAHM and a homeschooling Mom can be a wee bit taxing on the Mommy nerves. For those of you that have children, you know exactly what I am talking about. For those of you that do not but intended to one day, you will understand one day.

We zipped through the morning and all the sudden we were three hours in and I was thinking "WOW" where did the time go? I guess teachers probably feel that way too, like they are always racing the clock to get everything "in." However, it is so nice to be able to sit down and be a part of his learning experience and see his joy when he grasps a concept for the first time or gets the answer right on the first is a beautiful thing!

J is not being as cooperative as I would prefer him to be during our "homeschool time". He wanted to join our "circle time" activities so I, being a sucker for this sweet little stinker, I gave in and let him join in; chaos ensued. Suddenly our sing-along was riddled with "pirates pee-pee and poo-poo" Unfortunately, I am severely outnumbered in our family with boys vs girls and the potty talk always brings the conversation down a notch to somewhere around 5 yr old boy level: when the fart noises begin their tune that is where it all falls apart to a giggling mess of poots, toots and Mommy rolling her eyes. I'd like to say that this only involved the boy children, but often their Dad does join in. Isn't that just the way it is though? Do men ever really not thinking farting/burping/etc isn't funny?

Anyway, I digress...after the poot storm quelled we were able to re-group and get back on track. It really did go great all things considered and I know that this is where God wants us to be right now, so it feels good in my heart to be doing this in our family.

All in all, it was a great Monday. Homeschool was good, we went on a great ride/walk, met "Dad" out for a pizza dinner, made a homemade peach pie for a friend, got sudsy in the bath, read our favorite bedtime stories and said our prayers thanking God for a great day and another one ahead. I wish the same for all of you.

We're "lights out" for the night...
Blessings and Love to All

Friday, July 31, 2009

It's too late to turn back now...

Along my travels in the last 36 hours or so I had a moment of sheer panic...did I forget to pack my overnight bag in the car? 8 hours into the drive and then only then does it dawn on me that I have forgotten it. I remember to get the movies back to Blockbuster, the cookies to the cool teachers at the church kids activities, the books to the library, the Avon catalogs out, snacks and juiceboxes packed, the pool bag packed, clothes packed, blankets and pillows packed...and I forget my own bag?

Ladies can relate more to my had all my hair stuff, my make-up, my vitamins and all my smell good bath stuff! How did I forget that? I don't go out of the house without make-up on and I forget the whole damn bag? UGH.

It rained for over 8 straight hours before I finally decided to pull off the interstate in defeat, I had been conquered by the spray of trucker's hauling-A at 75 in standing water and pouring rain. I had been beaten by rain cloud of all rain I get off the interstate. Only to be diverted right back on, thank you very much. What? you ask. Apparently the tornadoes decided to take a trip from OK to TN with me and followed me right into very nice of them to put in an appearance, right?:) I passed exit after exit trying to find a hotel to sleep off the rain storm and as I passed truck stop hotels and the like I opted for one that did not make me feel like I was starring in a horror film where the unsuspecting victim falls prey in the cheap motel. I settled on an over-priced hotel that probably wasn't much better than the ones I have just mentioned, but I felt better knowing there were no truck stops nearby or faulty street lights in the parking lot.

The boys love hotels...they jump on the beds, run around playing pirates, etc. It's like a free-f0r-all, which most times I tend to indulge them a little, but at 10 pm and after over 8 hours in the car I was just ready to get my tush into bed. They had other plans much to my dismay. Around the time that we all finally went to sleep is when it stopped raining...ahh, life, right?

We made the rest of the way today and drove into what we've called home for so long with tired and relieved smiles on our faces. But, its not home anymore. Someone is renting our house, Chris is in OK and while our families are here and seeing them is WONDERFUL, its not home like it was just 2 short months ago. Interesting how quickly things can change! I am utterly and thouroughly exhausted beyond all imagination and will slide into the sheets tonight at peace with the world knowing we got here safe and I don't have to get back in the car to drive back for almost two weeks-LOL!

I'm out, I hope this finds you all doing well!
Blessings and Love to All!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Off we go into the wild blue yonder

Here's what we've done today: up at dawn (much to my chagrin) to eat a fairly unbalanced breakfast of cereal bar and apple juice (at least I tried) and then began the daily battle of getting out of our jammies and into clothes, out the door to register A for school. Let me pause here for reflection: (insert pause here)
Oh my, I must be getting old. So there we sit in the 5 year old sized cafeteria and as I sit I can vaguely recall the smells of the cafeteria growing up and I barely contain a my gag reflex as I think about the stop where you drop off all your cast off foods and trays...still makes me shiver to think about it. God love the lunch ladies that worked back there cause I would have more likely chosen starvation than ever eat again after that smell...but, I digress. So, we sit there and find ourselves rather unprepared for this process, and I am the only person in the room who doesn't have an "indian card" now, I really don't know what that means but I guess that means that I am the only one in the room who's son doesn't get to list under Race: Native American. The woman helping me tells me that if we're just a "pinch" Indian we'd quailify...uhm, a pinch huh? What exactly does that mean, I ask. She replies, "you know, just a teeny-weeny pinch" Well, since I'm pretty sure that Scotch-Irish or German lineage doesn't qualify as a tribe then I am pretty sure we won't get that "indian card." At some point during the gratuitous paperwork I find myself getting just a tad bit weepy and slightly overwhelmed and as my eye begins to twitch under the stress I feel myself start to decompensate and sense the impending doom of the "loony Mom" hovering somewhere underneath my calm exterior.

I mentally start adding up all the chaos and change we've under gone as a family over the last year and I give myself an "atta-girl" for making it this far...I would never have had picked here to land, but since God's plans are HIS plans and not mine, this is where we are. It truly is a God thing...though I never would have picked here, I cannot remember a time in my married/parenthood life where I have been this satisfied and content with the moment. I never knew that before McAlester, so God did know what he was doing. I don't mean to sound like I'm surprised at that, but truth is, sometimes I do get caught up in thinking that I do know more about what is good for me than God.

We've found this amazing church family that has welcomed us in with such love, it feels like home to me and that is such a blessing. I find that most people here do admit to a lack of "things to do" but also don't seem to be all together fazed by that fact. Its refreshing to see small business prosper, old farmers selling their veggies out in the farmer's market, a main street that is really a main street that houses unique one of a kind shops that furnish the town with almost any need (almost:-) Even being a new girl in town, it never fails that I run into someone I have met at the Walmart (the only game in town) and it seems that almost everyone I know knows everyone else too! It's no Mayberry, but it's a start at a new way of living for us Beatty's. And ya know, I think we kinda like it!?! :-)

I'm out, gotta get that dinner going...
Blessings and Love to all

Monday, July 27, 2009

Christmas in July

Well, it sure doesn't feel like Christmas in July here...if it were Christmas I could cajole my children into believing that their behavior might have some influence on what dear ol' Santa might plop down under the tree, but to no avail...cause, it is July and it's not Christmas. SO, I am forced to put everyone on lock-down in separate corners as to not incite some sort of hysteria on my part. Did I mention its also raining, has been all day, so we can't just go outside and play...

School starts soon here, in fact, it starts when we're going to be traveling back to OK from home, sweet, home TN...A is starting kindergarden and I know that will be a tearful transition. Ohhh, but not for him...Mommy will have to say her first set of good-byes to her baby that will be the first in a long line, of this I am sure. I have heard that once your first goes to K, you start wanting to have a baby in the house again...if anyone hears me say that, please remind me of today. LOL!

I look forward to our soujourn home to TN, despite the work that must go into packing, car check-ups and such. I feel like I'm bringing about 4 days worth of food in snacks, but at this point, its just about keeping the kids calm enough to make it through as much of the trip as we can without screaming, whining, hissy-fits, melt-downs and whatever other sort of euphemism one could use to describe what happens after 12 hours in the car. I have downloaded books to my iPod and hope to listen to them as they watch various and asundry episodes of Scooby Doo and Batman, thank goodness for technology...all I ever had for car trips was MadLib books and playing cards. We survived nonetheless, didn't we?

Well, off to break up yet another quarrel, someone is crying. Ahhhh, life.

I'm out. Blessings and love to all.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

This week has been a great week for the Beatty family. We are finally starting to feel at home here, mostly in part to the church we've been attending...its amazing how great you start to feel about a place when you know God's hand is leading you to the right place and the right people. Ironically enough, just as we are starting to adjust we are also leading up to the exodus home to TN...which if plans had stayed the way they originally were, was when we were going back to TN to tough it out again. Tough it out meaning, single-parenting the boys while the hub chases his dreams of conquering the fortune 500 corporate jungle, rat-race, etc.

I am slowly learning that there is always more at work in God's plan than in my own. Sometimes I just look up at this Oklahoma sky and throw my hands up in a "why me" posture and feel really damn sorry for myself and then something happens. Might be something small, might be something really profound...but its always something that makes me know that God is still there. I have a friend who is a champion and a hero for her family that is struggling to keep the faith as her husband fights cancer...and she doesn't lose how can I? Its all perspective. The reality is that we live in the most free country in the world where I can worship my God, where I can do and say what I feel is right without fear of persecution, we have a roof over our heads, food in the fridge, two nice cars to drive, nice clothes to wear, air conditioning when its 105 degrees....and all that adds up to a life I shouldn't gripe about.

I meet people here everyday that have sooooo much less and yet I feel sorry for myself? Well, its something I'm working on and when God taps me on the shoulder to remind me every once in a while just how good I've got it, I am so humbled, down to my knees humbled. So, like I said, I am slowly learning to trust that God does have control, even when I don't see the Oklahoma trees through the Oklahoma forest, I do see it.

I hope anyone reading this decides to share how they feel about God's plan in their life...
I'm out, see you later.
Blessings and Love to all!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Back to work he goes...

We thoroughly enjoyed a day off yesterday as a family, but it was a busy day! I am working my way to becoming a successful Avon Rep and training to be a CASA volunteer which has made life a little hectic but its exhilirating to have things to do again. I have spent some time here stewing away and wishing we could be home again but there was a sink or swim moment in life here where I had to decide to SWIM!

Speaking of swimming, the boys have spent the entire summer in the pool and while J is becoming more and more comfortable in the water, A has become quite a swimmer in short time. I am hopeful by next summer he'll be able to join a swim team and follow in his Mommy's footsteps as a swimmer-extraordinaire! Okay, I wasn't great, but I was good...I have the ribbons and medals to prove it, I swear!

We are planning (trying to plan) a vaca to go back to TN to visit and then make a trip to IL to see my grandparents. It has been a little stressful to say the least, trying to coordinate three schedules to plan a vaca is not as easy as I would like! But, the idea of a vacation is so alluring that whatever stress I must undergo will be worth it! AND, we're going to Disney this year too! WOOHOO, thanks to our bestie and Godmother, Aunt Stephanie! Our last trip to Disney was the honeymoon...we got to get bumped up on all the rides cause I was wearing the Minnie Mouse Bridal cap...would it be tacky to break that out and wear it again...with our two kids in tow? Hahaha!!

I'm out for now...have a wonderful day! Blessings and love to all!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

One the first day...

I'd like to say I got the idea of blogging on my own, as if somehow I had one of those "light bulb/A Ha!" moments, but I did not. After reading the blogs of friends, family, etc. I decided that this would be a good way to get out what was trapped inside my head while I linger here in OK wondering where the hub's job will take us next. Its a tad bit narcissistic, I'd say, to assume anyone out there really gives a darn what I have to say...Realistically, I don't really think anyone but the people that love me give a poo, but here I am. So, does this mean that I too join the ranks of the hoards of people so desperate for attention and edification that they resort to blogging anonimously? Do you see the irony there? Wanting attention but leaving it all anonimous? Hmmmm....

As I sit here typing away my two year old has climbed atop the arm of our sofa...hands on hips, Batman cape gently flapping in the breeze of the ceiling fan proclaiming loudly, " I am BATMAN!" I relish the creativity and imagination that still exists in my boys. I am hopeful that I will be able to somehow safeguard that sweetness, naivete and wonderment as long as I can.

I also sit here cooped up in the house, its over 100 degrees and today is the day they sound the tornado know, just to make sure they still work.?! Try explaining that to a petrified child. Adding insult to injury we are daily forced to watch the windows rattle as the Army Ammunition plant miles away is exploding bombs underground, yes, we over 8 miles away can feel the rattle of the bomb go boom! So as the sirens ring, the bombs go off and J runs around being Batman I sometimes get lost in the menagerie of noises that is my life and long for some peace and quiet. That being said, I wouldn't trade this crazy house for anything!

Time to start another homeschool lesson: learning about money. If I teach him about money I do run the risk of him realizing that a quarter won't buy him squat! LOL, but its worth it to see him light up when he "gets" it.

I'm out...see ya! Blessings and Love to All!