Friday, June 29, 2012


We sat through a torrential rain today, wind was literally throwing tree branches over the highway.  It was incredible to watch but also terrifying, especially for the little men in the back seat.  They looked to me to tell them it was going to be okay and as I assured them that the storm would pass I began to think.

There are people (that I find rather insane) that have made a career of chasing after storms.  Being as close to the eye of the hurricane or the funnel cloud during a tornado - they are there.  I can't help but think there must be some sort of thrill attached to being a stormchaser, otherwise I cannot imagine why someone would endanger themselves.

As the 80 mph wind whipped rain sideways across my wind shield I had a moment of reckoning; we are all stormchasers of one kind or another.  We go out into dangerous situations for the answers that the world promise are out there if we just weather the storm, we seek out ways to fulfill our desires/lusts/wants at the expense of time, effort, relationships and even safety and we walk straight into the storms senselessly, thoughtlessly and recklessly to prove some misguided notion that we are not scared of the storms of life. 

Am I a stormchaser?  As I calmed the boys and watched the rain subside enough to get back on the road, I pondered that very question. Yes, I am, but why?  When I logically know that the world won't give me the answers it promises, that the desires/lusts/wants are never worth what they cost, that the storms of life can be terrifying - why do I still chase head long into the storm?

And then I started to think about my Heavenly Father.  My boys, when they became scared, they immediately looked to me to tell them that the storm would pass - is that not exactly what I do when I am in the storm myself?  I look to my Father and plead with Him to let me know that the storm will pass.  His counsel is always wise, His truth is never changing, His ability to calm the storm will never cease and I look to Him to calm the very same storm that I just sprinted, not just ran, sprinted into all on my own accord; and yet He is still there.

I was able to calm them and they were back to silly giggles in no time and I took a moment and marveled at how easy it was for them to believe that the storm would pass - just because I said so and I am their Mom and they trust and love me, they believed me without hesitation.  Oh, to have the faith of a child.  Humbled before His throne of grace in that very moment as I marveled at my sweet boys' ability to just accept things because it was spoken so, He speaks to me and says:

My child, it really is that easy.  Do I not know the very number of hairs on your head?  Do I not know your heart like no other?  I created you.  No one will ever know you like I do and yet, you doubt that I can calm your storm. I spoke the world into being, I created a man to walk among you who then suffered and died so that you can walk, or even sprint, into the eye of the storm with reckless abandon, and I will still wash you in the water and leave you cleansed, restored, blameless and freed from the storm. Accept Me for who I am and accept to whom you belong - You are mine.

We arrived home safely to see the damage the storm had created and I replayed in my mind how God spoke to me in the middle of the storm - He would free me from the storm, restored and blameless, and yet as I looked around I was reminded that storms can do real damage. The storms of life can be as destructive as any natural disaster, the wreckage looks different but the damage is done nonetheless.  So, does that mean that He will see me through the storm but I might be almost destroyed when it passes?  Does that mean that after the clouds part and the Son appears that I will not be bruised, battered and broken? 

While I am His, I am guilty of stubborn rebellion, of brazen arrogance, of prideful pursuit of my own set of priorities.  So, to answer the questions above, there is a resounding NO.  The beauty of God's mercy and grace is that He allows us the opportunity to choose for ourselves which way we could go - there are days when I cry out to Jesus for a road map that would just get me where I needed to go.  I still haven't had even a glimpse at the map but I am always keenly aware of when I have strayed off course because in that same mercy and grace that allows me to stray if that is my choice there is also that still small voice of the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart to redirect my paths.  But, almost destroyed, brusied, battered, broken...yes, you can be all those things.  The most astouding part of grace to me is that amid destruction there is still light, even if it barely illuminates the darkest shadows, there is still light.  There is still a respite from the storm.  There is healing after the storm as the Son clears away the damage and reassembles the brokeness at the foot of His cross.

I am awed by His grace, His power. but even more than anything, His willingess and ability to forgive.  To forgive the storms we bring on ourselves, to forgive the storms he gently leads us away from and yet we still end up crying out to Him to save us after we've gone right back into the middle of it all.  I look at my boys and know I would run into any storm to save them at any cost and I know that He loves me even more than that.  Humbled and awed.  Almost destroyed, bruised, battered and broken and yet free from the storm. 

It is not coincedence that the most beautiful weather follows the storm, it is like Noah's rainbow reminding us that He is there.