Thursday, October 29, 2009

I spent the day yesterday almost completely pain free, it was one of the most glorious days I have had in months and I spent each moment relishing the ease of life without constant pain. I smiled more than I have in a while, I laughed more than I have in a while and my ability to moderate and parent my two busy boys was not hampered by incessant aching pain. It was a gift from God and I appreciated it more than anyone could ever imagine. I tied my shoes without tears, I played trains on the floor of the playroom with J and I didn't need help getting back up, I got out of bed without hobbling and without was the kind of day I could get used to!

Today, however is another story. The day of pain free was rather fleeting, however, I refuse to complain, because yesterday was a true gift and you know is today. The only difference is that today I'm walking around like an arthritic old lady. If I reflect upon the sheer joy I experienced yesterday I am reminded at how fleeting "it" all can the lesson to be learned is that each day is a GIFT even if it is a day where you ask yourself "why did I even get out of bed???" It is much more difficult opine and pontificate about gratefulness and gratitude when things in life are "susie-sunshine and daisies"because so many times we're moving right along and don't realize or truly appreciate what we've been given, we all get too busy to just stop and look at all we have and say "THANK YOU!" It is easy to dismiss the work of the Lord as unrelated to our current joys in life when the gratitude isn't deliberate and mindful of the gift of each breath, each day, each sunrise and sunset; pr in my case, the ability to touch my toes and tie my own shoes.

Yesterday, regrettably so, I admit I didn't stop and give thanks and praise with each almost-pain-free step. While I was keenly aware of being better I did not attribute this recovery as much to God as I should have, I was too busy enjoying the freedom I was extended by pharmaceuticals and our Heavenly mistake was grievous. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE GRATEFUL! Judging by today, I am forced to humbly admit it was more to do with God than the meds! Today, each step is accompanied by a prayer to please make the pain go away...the irony here is astounding! But, I have today; and I am presently and very mindfully thanking the Lord for another day.

I will say, I do wish I could have another yesterday.

Blessings and love to all.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Politics aside...

Let's be perfectly honest here, I did not vote for Obama. I would of voted for Hilary, but that's not the point. Early on I was impressed by his words, his demeanor, etc. but it came down to brass tax and I couldn't support someone who talked as if America wasn't the best place in the world to live. I do not like that millions of Americans don't have health care, I certainly don't like government funded means to exacerbate corporate greed, but damn if I will ever want to live anywhere else. I could have worked at the ACLU with how fervently I support an American's right to exercise their civil liberties, even if I don't agree with them, this is AMERICA, people! I can't vote into office a person, regardless of race, creed, or gender that doesn't get tears in their eyes ever time they hear the "Star Spangled Banner."

All of that being said, I do understand how he got elected. He was well spoken, well tempered and well dressed. He was a new voice in a sea of old, crabby, stodgy voices and that was very appealing to a large majority of the voting block. Change and hope, hope and can you argue against hope? Now, the point...being the media darling that he is, I still cannot find any rationale for awarding Obama the Nobel Peace Prize. First things first, the deadline for the nominating process was February 1. So, in about 2 weeks of being President of the United States of America, was he able to "do" what they have so deemed him prize worthy?

"For his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples"

When exactly did this happen? I must have missed it. So, what they're saying is that in 2 weeks he strengthen diplomacy? Extraordinary efforts? I am not down-playing the historic feat this man has made in becoming President, however, there are platitudes and then there is shamelessly kissing his ass. I think we're experiencing the later. I think awarding him at this point takes legitimacy and prestige from this body. Two years from now, maybe a different story, but 2 weeks in...? Shame on them for not being more deliberate and bold. Shame on them for not holding us all to a higher standard than star-struck awe of well coached bureaucrat in a nice suit.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

A Dose of Good Medicine...

I awoke early this morning to get to the local walk-in clinic and attempt to get someone in the medical profession to take a gander at my back and tell me why it ails me so...
Three x-rays later, a shot in the "hip" aka upper hind-end and a little something extra to help me sleep, if I need it...I am back on the job. My sense of humor is still lacking and according to the nurse the steroids she shot in my back might cause mood swings, to quote her, "so, if you feel like being a bitch, just tell your husband it is because of the medicine." Even while lacking in my typical ability to see humor in life, that was pretty funny. It's my get out of jail free card for the next 10 days, right?

Wouldn't it be nice if we all had a get out of jail free card? Like when you're too tired to do the laundry or make dinner, all you'd have to do is hand over the card and voila, you're in the clear! I am just the type of person who would hold on to the card, waiting for the most desperate moment and then when I submit the card for my free pass, it would be expired. Then there are people like my husband who would use it to sleep in past 8 a.m. on any random day. As frivolous as it sounds, at least he's smart enough to use it before the time is up. My cautious nature has mostly been to my advantage, but then again, that whole "glass is half-empty" mentality tends to plague me at every turn in my life. I am always looking at life and considering the worst case scenario and I know how much that must disappoint my Heavenly Father. He has always provided more than I ever could want or need and I remain as resolutely grounded in bracing myself for the worst. Not my best trait, something I am working on everyday. I take great inspiration from the people in my life who take everything in with eagerness and reckless abandon, sometimes I envy their free spirit, other times I sit by and relish my roots.

I am so glad that God made us all so innately unique, so that people like me have as much as a place in this world as the people who are always shaking it up! I know that I strive to be who God has made me to be and maybe his plan has always been to have me be one of the proverbial hall monitors of life. LOL! I was always the one left in charge of the class when the teacher left, so that inherent nature was not something I happened upon as I aged. Pragmatic and skepticism with a dash of cynicism has always been in my personal play book and range of emotions. However, I would not characterize myself as a negative person. Practical: yes, responsible: yes, reliable: yes...but not a gloom and doom-er. I err on the side of caution. Maybe that makes me a tad boring, but so be it.

Whatever I lack in spontaneity I make up for intensity. I am known for saying, "it one thing matters, then everything matters..." and I live like that. It can be quite exhausting and to others, rather tedious! Tedium is for people like me, we thrive on the details. Like I said above, thank GOD we are all so uniquely made. The same friends and loved ones that I have in my life that are movers and shakers are also the ones that could live without the details and only focus on the bigger picture.

So, I find myself asking where GOD has seen fit to put me in the myraid of his miracles, is my job according to His will to be cautious or are we all called to be open and free? I truly believe what GOD would want for my life (and your's as well) is for you to be who you are, but to LOVE Him with reckless abandon, open and free. I don't have to be the talk of the town or the impetuously eager world-changer if that is not what God made me to be, but I must be willing to throw all caution into the wind to walk with MY SAVIOR! I can do that without a self-help book, but lucky for me, there is a manual on how to do that! :-)

Turns out that shot in my hiney was just what I needed, a good dose of old time medicine! By the way, I am turning in my free pass card tonight and going to make Dad do bath time! Carpe diem, right?

Gotta get going...blessings and love to all!

Monday, October 5, 2009

My ability to blog has been severely compromised by my ailing back. I have completely lost my sense of humor and therefore having very little good humor to spread around, I will do my best to fake it until some remedy is made available to me. If anyone has any suggestions as to how to best manage the pain without becoming a pill-popping painkiller addict, please let me know. With the family history being what it is, that is unequivocally not an option.

My temperament has soured significantly as the pain has progressed. I find myself rather crabby and short-tempered with my hub and ashamedly so, my boys. At 4 a.m. while I lay awake in mind-numbing pain, I started to think about my brother, the addict. While I will never condone what he has done and the path he chose for himself to take, I do understand the compulsion that drove his addiction...anything to make the pain go away. He has been fighting the chronic-pain dragon for years now, the pain pills meant to slay the dragon took overtook him and his life was taken away. While he exists still in the flesh, his very soul has been robbed of the person hood that God borne in him while he was in our mother's womb. The pain was more than he could battle on his own and with no relationship with our Lord, he stands lonely and lost at the battle's end. I pray he allows God to be a beacon of light to find his way back to the life God has made for him...but one thing still remains...the pain. God can make his journey much less muddled with the tragedies he has chosen for himself, but the pain will remain.

This scares me, unbelievably so. I will not seek solace in the vices he has, however, I do understand how he started down that path. So, here I sit, feeling too scared and in pain to move forward. I have been praying for healing, complete recovery. But, this morning, I decided to start praying for renewal as well. Renewal of spirit, renewal of will to keep on keeping on, renewal of patience, renewal of resolve, renewal of my good will. Can one decide to not be in pain anymore? No. However, I can decide how I will go forward, albeit in pain, but forward nonetheless. Please pray with me for renewal.

Movie time Monday at the Beatty house, so I leave you with prayers for love and God's blessings in your life.