Monday, August 24, 2009

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore...

I am the very first person to admit that I am not very adept at handling change, I wouldn't call myself inflexible, but that's probably because I don't like the sound of that. I can bend, move, etc with effort on my part, but my first inclination is to stand where I am deeply rooted and stay there. That being said, we've moved over 750 miles away from our home and transplanted ourselves into a small town in Oklahoma and never in my life has "CHANGE" challenged me to be more flexible than it has in the past three months. We have weathered our share of troubles in the past but never have felt so tested and pushed and bent...I realize in moments like this that God has opted to put me in this position to teach me something. NOW, the question then becomes what will I learn from this transition? From this life lesson? From these periods of chaos, doubt, strength, resolve, and then more doubt?

We signed papers to close on our house here and while I am overjoyed because this home is a new beginning, one as rooted in "roots" as I cannot help but feel slight pangs of grief and sadness over what has been left behind to reach this point. I am resigned to the fact that God teaches me the most when I am the most challenged, most uncomfortable, most absolutely here I sit, waiting for the healthy dose of "life lesson" that I am to take away from all of this and hoping that somehow this is the last dose I have to swallow down for awhile! Naive, right?

We are now the proud owners of a beautiful home with a great backyard for the boys and I am grateful for all that has happened to get us into what will become our new home. I would like to say that it was an easy process with no hitches, hiccups or bumps in the road, but that wouldn't be my life:) I am guessing that in time I will be able to look back at this process and chuckle at the insanity of it all, but today is still not that day. Our closing kept getting pushed back for reasons that Bank of America could not quite explain other than to say that the third party underwriter that they out-sourced our loan to could not get the paperwork to the title office because they were so backed up...hmmmm? As I sat in the line at the ATM to pull our our entire down payment in $20's (yes, I said ATM and 20's) I was struck at just how ridiculous this process had become. I am sure the man behind us at the ATM thought we were robbing the bank, but in retrospect I should just be grateful that he didn't follow us and find a way to snatch all that money. How did we to the money grabbing stage at the ATM? We got to that point at the ATM desperately struggling to get that damn down payment because...oh, by the way, the title office doesn't take personal checks. The title office doesn't take cash either. LOL. So after pulling out thousands of dollars out of the ATM in $20's and bringing the drug-dealer load of cash to the closing we found out that they don't take cash...will wonders never cease?

After what felt like an emotional roller-coaster ride halfway through hell and back to get these papers signed, we had the keys to our new home. It was exhilirating and terrifying all at the very same time. In addition to the big picture of what all this meant, it also meant that I would have to move again. Ugh. Thank GOD for new friends, that is all I can say. Without the help of two very special people and my wonderful husband I would be sitting in my living room overwhelmed and probably crying a little. LOL!

So as we move our home again, I am not-so secretly praying that this is the last time for at least a little while. We've got this great place to call home. I have a great backyard for the boys to play in and an extra bed room for out of town guests to come and stay a while...its a dream come true for us all. What I didn't expect in our move and buying a house and all the changes in atmosphere, environment, people, places, and things is that I would really start to love being HERE. As part of my heart grieves for the relationships that are strained by miles and my life transitions into a new phase, I find myself oddly at peace about the very same things that vexed my soul only weeks ago. I won't deny my moments of doubt, they are my very nature but as I have moved forward in this phase I am encountering new and wonderful people that have truly inspired my very soul...which is only due to the hand of God in my life. I cannot claim any credit in how much I have been embraced by this community and in turn how quickly I was able to embrace it right I tend to say, "this is a God thing."

In a moment of panic-induced stress I can fail to see the forest through the trees, but I know that God already knows my weaknesses and loves me in spite of it all. As Dorothy takes those first few steps into OZ and sees the place for all that it is in its beauty and magnificence, she knows she is not at home anymore...its this new, better, and in-color place (LOL) I don't have to click my heels and say "there's no place like home" cause finally, for the first time in a long time, I know I am there. It might not be Kansas anymore, but Oklahoma sure is starting to look and feel like home.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Off to homeschool we go...

Today was our first day at full-time homeschool for our Kindergartner and it was a success if I do say so myself, and since I just did...that must make it so, right? I am excited at this new phase in our life and I will spend as much time preparing for each day as I will praying that I have the patience and strength to go through with it each day.

DISCLAIMER inserted here: I love my child, it is just that being a SAHM and a homeschooling Mom can be a wee bit taxing on the Mommy nerves. For those of you that have children, you know exactly what I am talking about. For those of you that do not but intended to one day, you will understand one day.

We zipped through the morning and all the sudden we were three hours in and I was thinking "WOW" where did the time go? I guess teachers probably feel that way too, like they are always racing the clock to get everything "in." However, it is so nice to be able to sit down and be a part of his learning experience and see his joy when he grasps a concept for the first time or gets the answer right on the first is a beautiful thing!

J is not being as cooperative as I would prefer him to be during our "homeschool time". He wanted to join our "circle time" activities so I, being a sucker for this sweet little stinker, I gave in and let him join in; chaos ensued. Suddenly our sing-along was riddled with "pirates pee-pee and poo-poo" Unfortunately, I am severely outnumbered in our family with boys vs girls and the potty talk always brings the conversation down a notch to somewhere around 5 yr old boy level: when the fart noises begin their tune that is where it all falls apart to a giggling mess of poots, toots and Mommy rolling her eyes. I'd like to say that this only involved the boy children, but often their Dad does join in. Isn't that just the way it is though? Do men ever really not thinking farting/burping/etc isn't funny?

Anyway, I digress...after the poot storm quelled we were able to re-group and get back on track. It really did go great all things considered and I know that this is where God wants us to be right now, so it feels good in my heart to be doing this in our family.

All in all, it was a great Monday. Homeschool was good, we went on a great ride/walk, met "Dad" out for a pizza dinner, made a homemade peach pie for a friend, got sudsy in the bath, read our favorite bedtime stories and said our prayers thanking God for a great day and another one ahead. I wish the same for all of you.

We're "lights out" for the night...
Blessings and Love to All