Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Struggling.  I have spent years of my life attempting to define who I am, what I want for my life, what I will become, what I will be.  Defeatedly, I realize that to define oneself as one thing or another does two things:
1. Squishes all that a person is in every facet, situation, or moment into a proverbial box
2. Once "defined" complacency sets in and allows you to become so comfy that the challenges seem too challenging, the problems seem too problematic, the risks seem too risky

I have also come to realize that I am not ever really who I define myself as, nor the person that other people would choose to define me as - so then, who the heck am I?  I think we define ourselves by the standard that we wish we could live up to, but more often than not we fall short.  The result, in turn, leaves us feeling like a failure.  Who on Earth would be willing to define themselves as a failure?  However, with life coaches telling us that we can do, be, aspire to could that not breed self-loathing and feelings of failure?

It is a vicious cycle.  As a woman, I am particularly at risk for not living up to societal definitions of a woman (one word:  cellulite), a mother (I do spank and they have a favorite meal at every fast food chain in town), wife (I do not having a raging libido nor the ability to do cartwheels every time he walks in the door),  homemaker (at any given moment I need to dust and there is always a load of laundry to do) or friend (some days all I can seem to manage is texting or social media check-ups). However difficult the process or inadequate you feel as a result, the urge to define yourself is overwhelming because the NEED to know where you fit. 

Everyone wants to fit in somewhere and often how you define yourself determines "where" you fit.  So, back to how to define yourself. When I ask myself "who" I am the first thing that typically comes to mind is "Mom" then the rest follows, but as I have journeyed on into a deeper and more meaningful relationship with God I have happened upon a concept that makes this whole defining yourself completely unnecessary.  It is not some sort of trade secret, nor is it an original thought - but nevertheless, knowing who's I am is the most powerful thing in the world. 

I am HIS.

No matter the challenge, problem or risk, I am His.  No matter where I do or do not fit in, I am His. I will continue to perceive myself as a woman, Mom, wife, daughter or friend but as I grow, I pray that the first thing that comes to mind in the future is that I am the daughter of the King, the child of the Savior, the masterpiece of His hand.  Seeing myself this way, I feel loved.  Seeing myself this way, how could I not see the world from a different and better and more beautiful viewpoint?

How do you define yourself?

Blessings to you and yours.


No comments: